Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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