i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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