He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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