Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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