Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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