I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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