i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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