I cut my penus on the lid.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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