I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
