Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
