the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
