Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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