god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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