Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
