he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
