I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
