i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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