His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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