Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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