I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
