I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Do vagina's smell?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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