If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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