I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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