I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
