why didn't you poke me back
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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