Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
