I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
