i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
