I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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