I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
