I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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