escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
