he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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