You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Need sex. Gaining weight.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize