the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
