I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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