I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
