i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
