either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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