do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
