I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
