I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
