i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
