She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
