I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
