Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize