What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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