you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Everclear isn't food dammit
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
