Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
