I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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