I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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