my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
