Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize