the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
