If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
