On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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