My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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