Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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