Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
