I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
