he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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