I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
