Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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