If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
