Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
