Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
