According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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