I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
