he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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