oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
