Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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